Monday, May 11, 2009

From Atheism to Agnostic

For the longest time I have promised part II to my earlier post From Theism to Atheism; From Atheism to Agnostics, so here goes:

Going from atheism to agnostic, in my opinion, is only logical. Perhaps like many other things in life, one's need for "religion," used loosely, changes with age. In my early twenties, atheism suits my need; I am perfectly happy to believe that life have no meaning, and that our current existence is all there is. Since I view life a lot more differently than others, death is not something scary to me. In fact, most things inevitable in life -- pregnancy, child birth, death -- things that everybody else has been through, with the exception of certain dental procedures, I do not find scary. [Although I chose not to have children, but that's a story for a different day.]

So what changed? I met my husband and felt in love with him, then all of a sudden I got greedy. This life is not enough. How long can this current life last? Another 30, perhaps 50 years, assuming we both live into our old age, and nobody can say that for certain. Obviously, when you are madly in love with someone, that is just not enough. I want more, I want "eternity." If there is life after death, I still want to be with him. If there are reincarnation, I still want to be with him. One day, I heard a kid (early 20's) said, "there is nothing after death." Those same words that came out of my mouth when I was his age struck me as so inconsiderably cold. I am still not afraid of death itself, it's the separation that I find unbearable.

So you see? When atheism no longer suits my need, I happily abandoned it and turned to agnostics. No, I am not saying that there is necessarily life after death; I merely want to believe that there's more to it than this earthly existence. I believe that there is only one truth out there, and that what I believe or want to believe will not alter that truth. I just hope that it will turn out to be something nice when the time comes.

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