Monday, January 25, 2010


So I had this following conversation with a fanatic:

Fanatic (after realized that I'm an agnostic): "What day do you celebrate evil's birthday?" [Dangerous statement that implies, well, stated that anyone not belonging to his religion denomination = evil-worshipper. At least I can follow the logic behind his intended insult instead of him just calling me a "fag" or "blonde."]

P: "I do not believe there is a God so naturally I do not believer there's an evil either."

Fanatic: "So you are saying that the planet just appeared out of nowhere?"

P: "Ultimately it's the same question. If you can believe that God was just there at the beginning, why not a planet? But that's not what I am saying, I am saying that I do not know and that it's not comprehensible with our current knowledge."

Then the conversation, as expected, took a dive and the logic which incredibly lasted as long as it did started to fall apart and I decided to extract myself from that conversation.

What I was trying to say was, that conversation really made me realize that I cannot state that I believe in the big bang theory, or that the beginning of life as we know it can be entirely explained by our current knowledge of science. I should elaborate more, I do not have the knowledge in physics to actually understand big bang theory, from a very simplistic point of view I do not understand how and why everything and anything exist, regardless of whether it's God, the universe, or a planet, or a tree, or an ant, you get the idea. I believe in the process of evolution because we have hard evidence of it. Unless you are hardcore fanatics who believe that fossil records are planted by God to test our faith (What is the point of that? Is he insecure or just cruel or seriously need a live after he created Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden?), you will have to believe in evolution, but the whole brown soup beginning of life? Ugh.

Let me introduce this very basic concept of entropy in physics. Entropy = randomness. To give an example that even a little kid can understand, entropy aka randomness always increases. Imagine a stack of paper in the middle of a room. You put a fan in there, paper will get all over the room. Life being created by chance = same probability this stack of paper will coincidentally arrange itself back into a neatly stacked pile of paper, in it's original order. I am not even going to honey coat it by saying that it's plausible but not possible. I am going to unscientifically say that the chance of that is none. So saying that earth was a big conglomerate of substances and with added energy from thunder these elements just by chance arrange themselves and form the first live.... I can't buy it. I can't buy it more than I can buy that there is God. Every time I say I find it harder to convince myself. If I believe that the Bible is like a Disney watered down version of how things should be, then the whole brown soup theory is about equally as Disney.

I have never said this before, it's not that I don't want to believe. Risking sounding like Fox Mulder, I want to believe, very much so. I just can't. I went to a Catholic kindergarten, primary, and secondary school. The viewpoint they teach was very simple: good people go to Heaven, bad people go to Hell. And quite frankly, most of us go through life without killing another person, so there really aren't that many bad people walking the earth. And, knowing what we know, that most serial killer are mentally ill and most of them abused as a child, can you really hold them accountable for their actions? For all eternity?

My one and only Mormon friend S has a very simplistic viewpoint of religion/life. Well, very similar to my Catholic background one. She believes that Heaven is easy to get into and most people, regardless of whether they are religious or not, will be able to enter Heaven. How I wish that is true. But the truth has nothing to do with what I wish for. I believe that the truth is absolute, regardless of what we want it to be, but being an agnostic, even that is questionable. Perhaps it will differ depending of what we believe... but the only fairness is life is perhaps none of us will know for certain (other than those who think they know for certain) until we've "crossed over," whatever that may be.

In the mean time, I will continue to subscribe to the theory that, "If it's too good to be true, it probably isn't."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

life is a journey.

I was disinterested in anything other than my wardrobe and sportscar in my 20s. I had a life-changing experience and now have no doubt that God exists and that there is an afterlife. My priorities are now more meaningful.

We each find our own way, I guess. Peace.